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Ach, was für ein verwirrtes Gewebe weben wir

I’m sure that was horrible German…don’t ask for my pehperz!

Anyway, salve you xkcd fans might remember the brilliant Movie Timelines (for others of you here’s a little taste, approved but you should check out the whole thing, visit srsly)

Well, wouldn’t you know it, some brilliant mind came up with a web tool to make your own! It’s a little clunky but it gets the job done quite nicely….of course I knew I needed to use it to make the plot of some opera even harder to grasp! I chose Zauberflöte because a) I know it pretty well, b) it’s already confusing as hell and would make a nice convoluted graph, and c) ok it was really either that or Peter Grimes (the two operas with which I have been, at one time or another, the most obsessed with) and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to reenter the world of Grimes to the degree that I would have to….anywho, here’s a little sample to tickle your fancy, but please to click to embiggen and see the whole thing in its curvaceous glory.

I’m sure I left out a few things and didn’t elucidate other things enough, but pretty good for a first try, eh?

And in his tiny, childish voice, too.

Now available at The Pleasure Chest:

Whore-feo (/and Urine Dykes, generic /in my Underpants)
Dildo and Anus
Asses and Vag-atea
The Magic Glutes
Les Huge-nuts
The Fucking Butch Man
Stiff Fella: ohhhh!
The Battered Bride
The Girl of the Golden Shower
Johnny’s Cock-y
Peter Grinds
Einstein on the Bitch
Dicks in China

Yes, buy information pills some of these only work if you mispronounce the original title; if that’s the only thing you find wrong with this post then you and I should have a talk…
The Atlanta Symphony just changed their logo to purge the Calatrava nonsense from our memories:

Nice, physician
stylish, medical
and fairly classy. But it seemed……vaguely familiar.

Yes! The banner outside of every UCC church (admittedly not too many in Atlanta, prosthesis
but still). So then naturally this came to mind:

I think it has a nice ring to it…..

They weren’t so much remaindered as downright secondhand….

My plan was so simple. It terrified me.

Antonio Salieri

Jake Sullyeri

I hope you don’t mind a nightmare or two…..

I didn’t even make a “Guillaume de Walchaut” joke

Tamino where am i?

The 3 Ladies just saved this guy’s butt. at least he’s totally cute! 🙂

Tamino totally passed out and woke up next to a dead snake(??) still not the worst date i’ve ever had…

Tamino and Papageno are now friends.

Tamino changed his location to a country between mountains and valleys

Tamino > Papageno hey thanks again for saving me from that serpent
-> Papageno np
-> 3 Ladies oh hell no

The 3 Ladies how do you like that, sickness silly birdman?!

Papageno Hmmmhmmmhmmmmmm!!! 🙁

The 3 Ladies are now friends with Tamino and Papageno.

The 3 Ladies tagged Pamina in a picture.

Tamino likes The Queen of the Night

Tamino > The Queen of the Night can’t wait to meet your daughter!

Tamino likes 1, recipe 000,000 strong against the evil demon Sarastro

Papageno > Tamino Hm hm hm hm hmmm!!1!
-> Tamino wish i could help ya…

The 3 Ladies > Papageno there, happy now?

The 3 Ladies sent a gift to Tamino: A Magic Flute

The 3 Ladies sent a gift to Papageno: Magic Bells

The 3 Ladies suggested Papageno and Tamino add The 3 Boys as a friend.

A Slave tagged Pamina, Monostatos, and 3 others in his note “Pamina escapes!”

Monostatos got ‘er back! but who’s that weird bird dude? ACK!

Papageno and Pamina are now friends.

Pamina what a day – first i escape and now i might be snagging a prince!

Pamina and Papageno like Monogamy

Tamino another mysterious place…..thanks The 3 Boys!

The inspiration, for sale
in case you are more familiar with 13th-century counterpoint than internet memes.

Der dunkle Ritter

Masta Trilla

Ever wished that Handel was more minimalist? WISH NO MORE BITCHES.


I’m sorry that my MIDI skills are so weak – score (Sibelius or PDF) and MIDI file available upon request.

Orfeo certainly has 99 problems, unhealthy
but all of them are related to a bitch.

Zadok the Glass

Ever wished that Handel was more minimalist? WISH NO MORE BITCHES.

I’m sorry that my MIDI skills are so weak – score (Sibelius or PDF) and MIDI file available upon request.

UPDATE: Clearly I meant Phillip Glass, here not Steve Reich. If I’d been clapping that pattern, though….

The Psalm Monster


Psalm 6A6A new

Ite Gaga est.


Not of the gods, tadalafil or anything….

The only Gesamtkunstwerk that I’m into at the moment is Taylor Lautner’s abs.